Hello Blogosphere! What are weeks in this world that we live in? I’m loving the fact that each week is so very different from the last and when I sit down to write this, I’m incredibly inspired just from my experiences of the last 7 days. Alrighty! What happened this week, you ask? Well, it was full, I’ll tell you that much. The topic of this week involves definition of self, the cycle of life and trusting the process of finding yourself.
I’ve always had a hard time defining myself. I like to live in the undefined because secretly, I have a hatred of words. It sometimes feels like the language in speaking is exhausting rather than exhilarating which makes me the quiet entity that I am. I would much rather take my time to formulate my thoughts. Thoughts are deceiving. If I said out loud everything that crossed my mind, I dunno what the world would be like for me. Chaotic maybe? Taking the time to dig into myself and to sort my thoughts before I speak them gives me the good sense to know who I am, truly.
Definitions are boxes that I prefer to live out of. This would be great, if I wasn’t an artist and if building a business didn’t require me to label myself for convenience and building a following. Every day that I leave my house, I as a human being on the earth, am forced to define myself. I’m an artist, theater artist, singer, dancer, choreographer, artistic director, director, playwright, etc. All these labels do nothing but exhaust me and half the time I don’t actually feel like I embody any and all of them. So how do we find the freedom? How do we truly know who we are albeit the thoughts and words that we speak?
Finding myself requires a constant state of observation. Lately, I’ve found myself saying that I want to crawl inside myself, set up a shelf and build a home. In doing this introspective work, I’ve found that I have a real affinity for animal spirits. It’s funny, as New Age as I am, I can sometimes shy away from the stuff that seems “too new agey” and animal spirits was one of them. After literally growling at my friend the other day, I took notice and decided to do some research. We as human beings are in a constant state of flux. We have to allow the space where we are and where we want to be to invigorate us, otherwise we fall into the trap and never come out again. Who am I today? Who have I been? Who do I want to be?
Someone once told me that life is formulated in cycles. Whoever came up with the circle of life via Lion King circa 90’s needs a raise. The cycle of death and rebirth is constant from the time we’re born to the time that we die and even after. It’s a giant circle. Lately, I’ve had the impulse to hold a baby. I realized that baby was and is myself. I’m being reborn into a new cycle of myself. Why do I say all this? Well now I have to find out who I am as an artist. Yes. I am an artist. I am a multi-talented artist. Now what? Dig deeper.